MESSYNESS
KINDNESS AND COMPASSION
ALLONE
WE’RE ALL MESSY!
We’re all messy! I mean all; me, you, everyone. And our mistakes are regular and often. No one escapes! Part of the remedy for our joint messiness is kindness and compassion for ourselves and others. Being kind and compassionate to one is being the same for all.
I say “we’re all messy” often but I don’t think it fully registers with most people. Mostly the response is something like “ya of course.” I’ve said those same words about important topics too. If we fully embrace our messyness with compassion, it is an emotional relief. No perfection, just doing our best to do the right thing, accepting that we’ll fail sometimes. I can smile at my human imperfections but it wasn’t easy getting to that smile.
I’m not saying this to give us an out, as an excuse. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m the “no excuses, no blaming” therapist even though patient. I’m also not saying we don’t have to give our best efforts. But – we all mess it up. If you hurt someone, tell them what you did (accountability), say you are sorry and try not to do it again. Then offer yourself kindness and compassion for being a human, just a person on the planet messing it up sometimes and trying to figure “it” out. It’s easier for us, our children, our partners, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our enemies to learn from mistakes if there is kindness and compassion. Be nice to yourself and others. Take off the oppression and expectations of never messing up because we all do it. Give others the same respite. Another solution is to talk about our struggles. Say it out loud to someone you trust and there will be even more relief.
It’s okay to be messy, we all are. If you criticize others for being human, you criticize yourself the most. Stop it. We’re all looking at the same moon on one planet. Potshots at others are potshots at ourselves. Stop it. It’s okay to offer kindness and compassion to ourselves and others. Do it!
Kindness and compassion, with a good dose of boundaries, would go a long way to make our and others’ lives more joyful, fun, and worthwhile.
Cheryl J Bouvier, LCSW and author
We All Bleed Red by Ronnie Dunn